Eleventh Hour Shift in Territory

I lived in my little Zen cottage for over 25 years. Unfortunately, because my income was so low (I worked only part-time so that I can devote much of my time to practice), I was the renter of my cottage, not an owner.

Surrounding my cottage, one amongst a group of cottages, were large Montery Pines. You would have never thought you were in the large city; it was an oasis. The pines scented the air, purified our lives, the winds whispering through their boughs eased our minds and calmed our spirits. In front of my cottage, surrounding a large court, grew verdant gardens of trumpet vines, ivy, more trees and vegetable gardens. I knew the passing of the seasons from the blooming of the various plants and each sets of critters that came to visit us.

The first thing a new property owner did, was to have all the pines cut down. (He didn’t like plants growing next to buildings). Then he worked to cement up much of the gardens around the court so it would be easy-to-care-for property. : )

Outside my kitchen window, where all the fushia, Chinese honeysuckle, and other flowering vines grew, along with the little apple tree, he had it all torn out by the roots and cemented over. There is more, with which the strength I have not to tell you of.

Please, cherish the blessings that you have: your family, your son and daughter, your practice. There is a hole in the sky where a beloved tree once stood, but there can never be a hole in the light of your true spirit

In memory of our lost friends.

Appetizers

It seems as though my experience cuts across several lines of beliefs. I would have a hard time saying that this was a “mystical” experience, because I proceeded rationally and logically each step of the way, going from one “level” of silence to the next. Witnessing quite clear headedly, what was going on, and acting intentionally.

And, while I came to an unexpected result, awaken-ness, I didn’t have any expectations of what I should, or would find. My motivation was merely to calm myself in order to be more present, not to find some mystical truth. And yet, my experiences of no-self, transcendedness, and emptiness, were experiences that many people would think of as mystical.

All the same, my experience doesn’t fall very neatly into the category of the empiricist either. Or whatever it is called, that those who believe Buddhism is without a mystical nature, would refer to themselves as. Because, while I followed a very logical, empirical methodology, the end result was not an empirical one, but a transcendent one.

Likewise, to those who would say that no self and emptiness, merely refers to the sequence of logical that says because the self is not a separate being, it cannot be identified and is therefore “empty” of a being. I would have to say sorry, because I have experienced no-self and emptiness personally, as visceral real experiences. And, not for just a moment either, but as an ongoing daily experience. Emptiness is not a philosophical characterization, or merely a way of speaking about reality in a contrived manner.

And to those who would say that there is no self at all, I would have to say posh. It is transcendent, unknowable in its way, but it is.

However, I wouldn’t throw out the baby with the bathwater and deny that dependent origination does affirm that emptiness can mean that there is no separate discernable being. It’s just that this is not all that it means.

And, not leaving any stone unturned, I would add that seeking after enlightenment and mystical experiences could be a great waste of time.

Notes Need Music

You are neglecting dependent origination.

The you of you is not something separate that can be dissolved away or lost. Your identity is not something separate that can be dissolved away or lost.

Dependent Origination means that all of you emotions and thoughts and whatever are not separate from you. You cannot lose them and be left without a self, an identity.

Nirvana is not about having no self. It is about realizing the hyper reality that transcends the limited distinction of self, a separate self, not in destroying or absorbing the self into non-distinctiveness.

As a rather lose analogy: It is like playing music in a symphony orchestra. Each person playing their notes together creates the whole. While each note and instrument has its own identity, you cannot separate them out and still have a whole piece of music. The music is in them in their oneness. And yet, each individual note is not lost when you hear that oneness.

Solitude

You remind me of a man who has a deep interest in sailing, collects books on sailing, talks about moving to the coast. Thinks about what it must be like to go sailing, developing a store of philosophies and theories. Yet never knowing what it is like, afraid of the water, to set out upon that great blue ocean while filled with joy, trepidation, eagerness and love. It’s the unknown.

You come here because you are so desperately seeking to know that which is beyond all your definitions and theories. So desperately afraid to know at the same time. So afraid that you will deny that anyone can ever know.

But, you can’t deny what is deep within you, which gives greater meaning and hope to your being. And you must find it within you, in spite of all your fears. Then you will know with your own self, the nature of the truth. And in that knowledge, you will know that there is no loss of self, but a higher Knowing of Self.

The Five Traditional Ben

There are several wonderful advantages to what appears to be formalism in Zen that merge beautifully with what Zen is about. The silence we develop in practicing Zen, as a part of our path toward truth, relegates inner dialogue discursive thinking behind our attention to the present.

Seeing clearly is the way to go. And you cannot see clearly when your head is buzzing with all sorts of questions about how to do some aspect of practice. In formal practice, all the forms have already been set out for us to practice so that we don’t have to figure out over and over what the best way to do them might be.

This gives us the ability to just concentrate on what we are doing, without having to question each time, and spend time “reinventing the wheel” when we can spend time engaged in ever-presentness. (Of course, if some wonderful new idea occurs to you that would obviously greatly improve a particular aspect of practice, then it would be fair if this were incorporated without an abundance of discrimination.)

When the forms are taught in the traditional manner, then two other things happen. The person doing the teaching is then freed from having to reinvent things as they go along. And, the forms themselves, given in this way, tend to de-emphasize the domain of the ego-self being of the highest importance to you.

The importance and superiority of your “ego” is set aside as you agree to engage in a practice that is within a form of tradition that is “larger” than yourself, and in a manner where your personal “ego” is not the controlling factor. Many of the forms of doing certain actions reflect the incorporation of several factors, including some age old customs, the need for convenience, and a need for an economy of activity as resources must be conserved, being as scarce as they would be in many monastic settings.

Of course there is the Busby Berkley factor, where a group of people performing the same activities is very pleasing to the eye. But beyond that, the mindfulness that you can bring to the practice of an activity is more important than whatever special meaning uniformity might have.

We here in the west are embarked upon a great movement to incorporate the form of Zen, as it comes to us from a completely different cultural milieu, into a western framework. Not an easy task. And I personally don’t think that the application of traditions needs to be the same as blind obedience.

Both cultures and their underlying traditions need to be respected as we carefully work through what can work here and what may need to be modified for our own values, without losing its meaningfulness. There will probably be those attempts that fail and those that succeed. However, I think that for our own personal development on the path toward truth, and that for generations to come, it is well worthwhile to do.

The Arguments Ebb

ArgueEase v 2.1

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ArgueEase will analyze any statement easily and quickly. Just select and paste it into AE’s analysis window. AE will search the web and find appropriate counter arguments, compose them and automatically post your reply. And, you can choose to post your response with citations and references, or you can choose the “devious” option and post without mentioning any sources, just to keep ‘em guessing.

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Prognostications 2007

Cell Phone:

Apple’s new phone is not the iPhone; rather it is a very similar devise but with the camera pointed towards the person placing the call. In other words a video phone (probably to be named the iVid). All of the elements of the technology to do this phone are available at this time: iChat software; seamless transition from cellular to Blue Tooth to high speed wireless permits the video to travel on one carrier while audio travels on another; free internet access burgeoning throughout metropolitan areas makes the underlying network technology available to a large enough market share.

The market for the iVid will include those placing phone calls, gamers playing online MMORPG that include live in-person interactions for some parts of the game, and watching movies or a video blog on the “phone”. Video captured with the phone can be uploaded to a video blog. Conceivably, video could be uploaded to one’s .Mac account and or edited on the phone prior to the video blog being posted. (It is hoped that eventually manufacturers of camcorders will get the hint and make web enabled camcorders, which can upload video to a server so the camera is free of the bulky storage units they now use.)

OS:

Vista is about to be released, but there are subtle hints floating about that Apple will release a competing operating system for the generic Intel machine market (also known as, Windows machines). There are several reasons for this. Since Apple had a secret version, for some time, of OSX for the new MacIntel machines that it is manufacturing, it seems likely that a OSX version for the Intel gen-box has also been under development for some time. Also Apple has nothing to lose by releasing this OS and everything to gain.

Apple is very experienced at major OS transitions, OS9 to OSX, and now to OSX-MacIntel, so they know what they are doing. Apple could give this OS away for very little or no profit since they are sitting on a large cash surplus currently, it could actually be to their advantage to reduce this surplus. The timing is right, as the consumer is transitioning from Windows to another OS, they might shop around a bit and choose another OS that is available. OSX is proven and stable, and it runs on top of UNIX a longstanding successful operating system.

Apple is in the business of making beautiful and powerful computers and displays, these stand on their own. They are competitively priced and sell themselves. With more people using OSX (on the “Intel gen-box”), it would likely lead to more sales of Mac machines not less. This upcoming transition time could be the pivotal time that Apple has a chance to get a foothold into the large operating system market. Having a broad based OS would give Apple the leverage it needs to insure that Adobe, Microsoft, et al. manufacture software for OSX.

Avatars:

We have RSS readers, how about an RSS for Avatars. The average surfer probably has several avatars scattered over the web. It would be great if messages posted to an avatar could come straight to the desktop, rather than to email.

As net citizens, we are likely to post more of our lives onto the Internet through bogs, message forums, personal web pages (MySpace), and online RGPs. And conceivably, the avatar could become the idealized, or fictional character that a person would like to be seen as. This may lead to the question: is anybody real on the net, or will it matter? As people begin to live more and more of their lives online, the face of reality will shift a bit. And for some, their online persona may be more important than their “meat space” person.

Supercomputers:

Within a year or two, don’t be surprised to learn that there are supercomputers set up in the bedrooms of some teenagers. The question is then, what will they be doing with all this processing power? One interesting possibility that opens up is that they will be able to use this processing power to create wire frame figures with so many polygons that they approach the area of appearing to be visually real.

This will further enable the creation of avatars for those people who would like to have an appearance, perhaps other than they might ordinarily appear. Some of the more creative types may create a whole 3D world. And, given the new 3D imaging technology, using 3D glasses and digital projectors to create a lifelike image on the wall (or walls) of a room, there is quite a lot that a teenager could accomplish. Obviously, the concept of the home theatre takes on a whole new meaning.

The Eleventh Day

There is an activity that may sound familiar to you. It can happen after a deeply revelatory experience. A whole-self begins to emerge. A real self that must deal with all the complexities of being a human in a contemporary world, rather than a stony faced idealized Buddha.

Many people incarnate into physical lives so that they can deal with all of the challenges that this entails, within the limitations that the physical world imposes. This concentrated focus that the physical life imposes brings choices and confrontations that are meaningful, relevant, and demanding (because one cannot easily escape them).

And, by focusing on these issues so intently, the greater self grows in its wisdom, experience and compassion. Thus, a great deal of personal development of the Self is accomplished.

A revelatory experience can intensify this process, because against this greater perspective of reality, many more issues are questioned and evaluated, no longer as easily taken for granted. In this process, there is much confusion, up one day and down the next, because the old firm assumptions of the previous, as you say “smaller’ self, can no longer be readily relied upon.

Slowly, a whole-self emerges, bit by bit sometimes, from this great reworking as it reestablishes a new reliable footing. A footing, this time, that is upon the transcendent, ineffable, greater sense of being.

Blessings

This argument over “Buddhism Without Beliefs” reminds me of the Viet Namese Peace talks held in Paris at the end of the Viet Nam war. Before the talks could even begin, they argued endlessly about the shape of the table that the talks were to be conducted at. One group wanting a round table, another a square table; this went on for quite some time.

Unfortunately, now more than even at that time, the real issues at stake here are much more monumental than at first they might appear. What concerns me most is that “Buddhism Without Beliefs”, whether you like the concept or not, is a product of these times. To be honest, I must admit that I haven’t read any of this stuff, nor do I intend to. Nor do I harbor any personal dislike towards the concept. But I would say, from what little I have read of the concept, that it seems to be another standard-bearer in the materialist society. In other words, it is not the cause of the problem; it is another example of the symptom of the disease.

Modern society is at a true crossroads. While many hold beliefs of faith, the official religion is that there is no religion. (This is not an issue about the freedom to practice according to ones faith. But, rather the undercurrent that pervades all of our sciences, the official body of societies knowledge.)

And it is not to difficult to see where the current path will lead: With no higher authority, be it a God or karma or Highest Truth, to provide an ethical and moral framework with which society and its members may engage to direct their lives, then, anything goes. And it does so as long as it doesn’t look too bad in the press (that other spiritually sanitized provider of Truth). Given a society that is gelded of spiritual truth, it is non-too surprising to see the gelding of the religions themselves.

Therefore, our planet is a provider of resources to be consumed, rather than husbanded. People are the consumers, materialists first and foremost. Scientific research is corporately funded, i.e. consumer driven. And what can’t be proven scientifically, and reported by Peter Jennings on the network news, isn’t real. Therefore, it doesn’t matter.

The overfed Americans dropping like flies from heart disease are statistics on the annual report in one of your mutual funds holdings. The kids killing kids phenomenon is a mystery, except to the children raised on television commercials and soda pop. Frankly, who would want to live such an empty life?

A sterilized Buddhism fits perfectly into the current cultural milieu. Just live here and now (nothing else matters), meditation is a great way to relieve stress (I’m not one of those spiritual weirdoes), Zen is a way to play golf (need I say more).

It doesn’t mean that everyone has to be a deep mystic, (hell I don’t even care much for the word), but it does mean than everyone can have a sense, or at least an inkling, that there is something more to yourself than your career and the parties, something to care about besides what you want right now. And a society that abandons that vision to T.V. ads and the press propaganda machine isn’t likely to get that.

You get that, hopefully, from a personal direct experience, as best as you can, with the greater reality. And for me, that is what the core of the Buddha’s teaching is about; that beyond all your hopes and cares, fears and troubles, is a higher truth that cannot be touched by these, and yet, is not separate from you.

Octabal

I’m sorry, dear, but this is where we part company. I guess that you are looking for the Big Let Go. And for me that is not what Buddhism is about. Apparently, from what I read in many of these posts, that this is what some are after; that is, Nirvana (or, if you want to be cool you say Nabanna).

Rather than trying to find some cosmological thrill ride to the Ultimate Center of the Galaxy, Buddhism is above all, a way to live. And what the Buddha is trying to say is that you don’t need to solve all of your problems, that you don’t need to answer all the questions, you don’t need to become a perfect person, that basically that is a part of the game you are playing that leads to more games, not to less games.

Sure, there are ways to Let Go of the Big One. But, why should I tell you to waste another 27 years of your life looking for something that you already have. Hell, if you want to its your life. But, I’m here to tell you that you don’t need anything more right now than you have already got.

Mystical experiences can be interesting, but in and of themselves they are useless if they don’t teach you about a better way to live your life. And, having the Ultimate mystical experience, to blow away all traces of yourself is anathema to the middle way that Buddha taught. And, that is to know the ultimate truth while living in the realm of one’s life. And, that ultimate truth is that you are beyond all description and beyond all knowability.

So, when you have in your heart a letting go, in showing compassion and forgiveness to those who wronged you, and most importantly to your own self for all of the seemingly idiot choices that you have made in your life, then you rest in the highest truth. The presumption that you have to have the big let go to reach the supreme level, or you haven’t succeeded as a Buddhist, is only about playing more games, not less.

I find it rather amusing that having never sought Nirvana, or salvation, or no-self, that I have had so many varied and deep experiences, while only seeking to investigate myself and the truth. While so many of you have paid thousands of dollars, read countless books, and pursued for so many years of your lives some ultimate experience in the belief that somehow it would save you from yourselves and your lives.

Six Mix

What gives?

Ever since I got ona dis I hrd you been goin on bout how you be da wronged woman. Bout how you give dis Tibetan the best years o you life. And bout how he took you money and took you time, an you spent it on some lama tat left you wit notin. An now you want a let the whole world know bout how you been da wronged woman. An how for 27 years dis Tibetan lied to you, an beat you down, an hurt you, an how dis Tibetan promised to show you da Big Time, an all you got was notin.

Well girlfriend, where was you 26.5 years ago? I mean, it don’t take no 27 years to see what way things be going, you coulda figured that out in 6 months. No, I think you was gettin sumpin out a dis all along. You be rubbin elbows wit dem High Lamas. Shoot, you probable want to be one a dem High Lamas, an who knows what all else.

Well, I tell you sumpin Girl. Dem Tibetans don’t owe you notin, cas dey ant gonna give you anything you ant already got.

I tell you wat you problem is: You can’t let go. Fo 27 years you been holdin on, you an’t been letting go, an you still ain’t letting go. You even found notin, an you con’t let go a that neither. Din’t dem Tibetans ever teach you how to let go.

I can tell you dis girl: You ain’t goin no where, les you learn to let go; You ain’t goin get no lightenment, les you learn to let go. You aint goin get no clarity, luminous or oterwise, you don’t learn to let go.

Jes let go girl! You can do it. You aint gonna betray nobody. You aint goin run outa you family. You let go, no one gonna crown you queen, an if dey try, boy you better be lettin go a dat real fast. Real fast, mind you.

Girlfriend, you gotta stop holdin ona stuff; dis aint da Buddha way. You shouda knowd dat from da beginin youself. I’ll tell you dis, you done al ready spent 27 years o you life holdin ona stuff,, dis bout time you learn a jez let go.

I hope soma dis be gettin inta yo pretty little head.

IMIX

Sweetheart, let me try to put it to you this way:


See Dick run.
See Dick run through time and space.
Time and space exist because Dick runs.

Jane sees Dick.
Run Jane run.
Jane is tired.
Jane closes her eyes.
Where did Dick go?

Oh no!
No Dick.
No time and space.
Where did time and space go?

Jane dreams of Dick.
Is Dick a dream?
Is Dick in Heaven?
We cannot say.
Time and space are gone.

Dick likes to run.
Where can Dick run?
He needs time and space to run.

Dick imagines he is running.
Running through time.
Running through space.
Run Dick run.

This is so much fun.
Dick wants to run with his friends.

Dick sees Jane.
“Hello Jane.”
Jane opens her eyes.
“Hello Dick.”



(Your daddy might have an easier time explaining the previous post to you if he’ll read you some of those nifty bedtime stories from quantum physics.)



P.S. Coming soon: The Shadow Puppet version of what preceded the big bang. Stay tuned!



Here is some material from Nexus Magazine.


“Yet Newtonian science was first knocked off its perch 70 years ago. With the birth of quantum mechanics, the view that our physical world is solid, fixed and independent of mind was shown to be untenable. … Here are some quotes from three eminent physicists:
“ The fundamental process of nature lies outside space-time but generates events that can be located in space-time (Stapp, 1977:202)
{Stapp, H.P., “Are supraluminal connections necessary?”, Nuovo Cimento, 1977, 40B;1:191-204}
“ Ultimately, the entire universe (with all its particles, including those constituting human beings, their laboratories, observing instruments, etc.) has to be understood as a single undivided whole, in which analysis into separately and independently existent parts has no fundamental status (Bohm, 1983:174)
{Bohm, D., Wholeness and Implicate Order, Routledge, London, 1980, Ark Paperbacks, 1983}
“ The universe exists as formless potentia in myriad possible branches in the transcendent domain and becomes manifest only when observed by conscious beings (Goswami, 1993:141)
{Goswami, A., The Self-Aware Universe, Putnam, Hew York, 1993}
“The quantum realm and the physical universe, which arises out of it, is all one undivided, unitary whole. More extraordinary still, it would seem to be our conscious participation that brings the physical world into being.
“When consciousness collapses the wave function into three-dimensional space-time {here Powell refers to the well-known wave function behavior of an electron which collapses into particle-like behavior when a conscious observer makes an experiment}, mind and matter arise simultaneously, like two sides of one coin. The result is what we call reality, in both the personal and collective sense. Each one of us is self-aware, since we are connected with the total field of consciousness, and from this individual vantage point we bring about repeated further collapse of the wave function. … In this way, we are continually generating what we take to be reality, which we experience both as an internal mental space and all around us in the form of the external, phenomenal world.
“The external world is remarkably stable, which gives the impression that it exists quite independently of us.”
{Powell, Andrew, “Quantum Psychiatry—Where Science Meets Spirit”, Nexus New Times magazine, Vol. 9 No. 3, pp 49-50, NEXUS Magazine Pty Ltd, Australia, May-June 2002}
www.nexusmagazine.com/903.conts.html

For Cauac

This a rather interesting subject and one that I have had a passing interest in. Here, in a nutshell, is how it works.

Not concerning ourselves with the Ultimate Ground of Being, for the moment, there is a vast range of existence outside of the physical continuum that we are currently involved in. Each of the participants in our physical reality continuum has our basic existence there. (I am using the conventions of location, although there really isn’t a “there” either). Every single one of the elements (not the periodic table) that makes up our world has its reality in this “higher” realm. Every person and animal, every speck of dust and molecule are really in this transcendent realm.

The Ultimate Reality underlying all of this includes all of these elements “connected” in an incredible, complex, interactive “web”. There is instantaneous and continuous “communication” between each of these elements, although this is rarely done through anything as crude as verbiage. (I have written elsewhere about how you join the time-space stream that you are currently experiencing, through the medium of baby-hood.) Once you have joined the continuum of events in your particular stream, the process of producing your particular world is really sort of mechanistic.

Basically you are in communication with every molecule and person and object in your world so that you are aware of their existence and participation in what will appear to be within your physical stream. All of the elements that will be in your immediate presence and within the range of your senses are of the most concern to you.

They are going to participate most directly with you in each of your co-creation’s of the so-called physical reality. (Again this is still happening on the transcendent physical realm.) Aware of the knowledge about these other participants, that will be perceived in your immediately perceivable present reality, you form for yourself a sort of field of ideas made up of the knowledge communicated to you from the other participants that will be in your physical reality.

This field of ideas will include the communication to you about their characteristics that will be physically perceivable and their interactions with the rest of the elements that will be participating in the physical stream (as well as their non-physically relevant data). This communication will be from every object in your sphere of reality, every scent, sound, and bit of light, even from the elements of what will make up your physical body. (When you enter into a physical stream, as a baby, you practice at recognizing which of the communications are from the elements that will make up your physical world until you train yourself to be aware of them without even trying.)

All of this information, this data, becomes like a field for your still not yet physical personality. You might call this an initial physical reality because all of the elements of your immediate physical reality are there as “ideas”, just not really physical. And it is upon this field of ideas that you build your perceptions of reality upon.

You project into this field your imagination of what your immediate physical reality is like. You project the sights, sounds, spaces, smells, etc., that are going to be a part of your physical experience. This is the same kind of imagination that people use inside their head/mind, but it is used in this instance in an outward mode.

On the whole, this projection is a rather generalized rendering; splotches of color here and here, shapes there and there, something else over there, etc. And then, where you focus your attention, usually right in front of you, is where you bring it all together in the highest degree of detail.

In this area you project more and more details with your imagination. Then you focus on these “outside” details with your body’s senses; it too is playing the game of perceiving a physical reality, but in its own fashion. The more you concentrate on something “physical”, the more ideas you bring to the fore, the more information you have that is made visible (or whichever sense is involved) for you to perceive with the body’s senses. And everything is right here with you. Remember, even far off distant galaxies, you are not being seen in the distance; rather, you are seeing the light from these events that has traveled to you.

What adds to the sense of realness of the whole system is the fact that everything is working together. The knife really will cut the tomato. But, if you were to look at it in another way, the molecules of the steel in the knife are communicating what their physical properties are like to the molecules of the tomato (crudely put). And the cells of the tomato behave the way they do (in being torn by the harder metal substance) because they are participating in the physical stream where this is one of the basically agreed upon ideas.

In other words, the perceptions work down to the cellular level and beyond. The cells of the skin feel the touch of the feather (in the “background”, for instance, one communicating that it is physically fuzzy, while the other is communicating that it is pliable and smooth).

And, just as the cells in your eyes are made to react to light, so too are the cells in your skin going to react to the feather: Being tickled by it. Again, this “field of ideas” is not simply about the visual perceptions, but an incredibly multilayered, complex of ideas that you are a part of, wherein everything is occurring instantaneously. Things only seem to slow down when they hit this stream of physical events.

I have tried to make this explanation reasonable without going into too much detail. And, perhaps this might seem as pure lunacy if this is the first time that one has become acquainted with these ideas. However, it is thought that there are those who might be able to appreciate this.

It is when one calms the mind enough that one is able to perceive the imagination projecting out onto the “world”, painting it in a sense. And, then one is able to see the highly focused zone of details before you, wherein most of the concentration lies.

The EZ

There once was a time when I experimented with several types of hallucinogenic substances. Instead of looking for thrills or escape, however, it was my intention to explore and learn about life. My great fortune was in finding a guide who emphasized awareness, mindfulness, and being in the present. And, while I frequently made a complete fool of myself, he persisted in teaching me. Using the substances to shift consciousness, we heightened our awareness of the present and the world that we perceived.

It was only after several months of training that I came to understand the real value of living in the present. But, as I wasn’t the type who wanted to live his life on drugs, I began to consider other ways to help me do this. The year before, I had read several books on eastern philosophies and learned about a spiritual practice that emphasized living in the present. It was from a rather thin volume by Alan Watts on Zen. Although I had practiced Yoga meditation, on and off, for several years, I had never done any Zen. After some consideration, I decided that I would at least give it a try.

At the time, I was living in a college dorm. The school term had just begun and I could put off doing my homework for, perhaps, a couple of weeks. All I really had to do was get up and go to lectures. Even my meals would be taken care of by the cafeteria. Having already discontinued the use of the mind-altering substances, I also stopped sexual activity. I began to practice.

The first day was rather tough. I tried to live in the present, but my thoughts kept pulling me away. I tried stopping my thinking, but over and over, I found myself getting carried away. I decided to buckle down and try even harder. Proceeding step by step, from one moment to the next, I began to stop each thought as I went along.

The second day was even more difficult than the first, but I kept at it, trying to stop each thought that came along. At some point during the day I vowed to myself, in determination, that I was going to do this. And eventually, after a day long of struggle, in the late afternoon, I succeeded in stopping the thoughts in each moment. Continuously, from one moment to the next. It felt like I was climbing a very steep hill. But once I made it, looking back, it didn’t seem that difficult after all.

The next day, I began in the morning as soon as I awoke, continuing to stop the thoughts from one moment to the next. Throughout the day I did this, whether eating meals, walking to classes, whatever. Then while sitting in a lecture, something happened. As I was concentrating on myself, in order to keep the thoughts turned off, I had to simultaneously concentrate on what the professor was saying. Suddenly my consciousness shifted, growing larger and changing my viewpoint on reality. No longer in my tiny mind, I was instead seeing myself from a larger perspective. Seeing myself, practicing on myself, in my environment, continuously. From then on, this was my viewpoint.

All throughout the next day I continued to practice, easily stopping each thought that came along, one moment to the next. And after a while, I noticed that these thoughts were being held, physically, in a place inside of my head, accompanied by a feeling of tension. But, when I stopped the thoughts, the tense area became calm, relaxed and quiet. Furthermore, by concentrating on letting that area remain calm, the thinking stayed off. After awhile, however, I would discover another area in my head that was holding onto thoughts, only more quiet and subtle than the previous one. Here too, I would concentrate, let the thinking stop and then keep it relaxed. And so, further and further I went, deeper and deeper my inner calm became.

By the following day, my head was very calm inside, and I continued to concentrate on letting it remain relaxed and quiet. Rather, it was in the throat and neck where I found that tension was still being held. And so, I reached down even deeper, with concentration, so that there weren’t any thoughts held in those areas either. Finally calmed, no thoughts emerged into my consciousness. And, as I continued to practice, I would occasionally feel parts of my neck or head begin to get tense, as if they were preparing to have a thought. But, I would calm the area, before a thought could even begin. Thus, keeping them from letting a thought emerge.

I continued the practice of remaining calm during the next day as well. And with this calm mind, my awareness became more sensitive. It was then that I realized that my body was holding onto emotions and attitudes. Sensitive and aware enough to see these being held, I proceeded to calm my body of them. Step by step, seeing these tensions arise, I would let my body stop holding them, having them. My whole body became, and remained, calm and relaxed, but very aware.

As soon as I awoke the following morning, I began to notice that things were somewhat different. At first it seemed as though I must have had more energy than usual, because I felt ready to get up and go, rather than linger in bed, as was my custom. And, when I opened my eves and looked out across the room, I saw that the air had a beautiful sparkling quality to it. Then, as I got up and began to move around I became aware of a great silence in the space around my body. I was surrounded by silence, a deep peaceful silence. The physical world seemed to have a more vivid quality to it, more present and real. But, the biggest surprise came after I had been up for some time. Suddenly, I noticed that I had no self. I could see my body, and it was empty. There was no one there.

Reality seems to be so much more interesting when you are awake. It’s not just the increased awareness of sound and smell, light and space. Or the continual awareness of silence, posture, emptiness, and breath. But, by living in the present moment, I was able to witness the humor, poignancy, deep joy, compassion, and heart that pervades experience. At night, I slept easily and without dreaming.

One evening, while my roommate was out, I sat on some big cushions taking on the full lotus pose. Somehow my body just assumed the pose naturally and easily with perfect form, something I had never been able to achieve before. Sitting there I began to realize that I had thoughts still present; non-specific thoughts, almost like matter of fact knowledge that there was a world and society and so forth. Then, I began to discontinue these thoughts as well. And, as I did this, I could sense the silence of emptiness grow around me, farther and farther as I discontinued these thoughts more and more. That’s when the unexpected occurred. Around about where my body should have been, there was lots of something, I can’t explain what it was, flowing upward. And above, from where my body once was, this whatever it was seemed to be there too, almost like roman candles or fireworks going off but much more quickly and fully. That and emptiness was all there was. Somehow, I began to consider that if I continued I might not be able to get back to physical life, or at least I wasn’t certain that I would be able to. I decided that it would be prudent for me to do more investigating into what was going on before I went any further. I commenced with the “level” of thinking that I had before sitting down and returned to that same no-self way of living.

After a few more days like this, it was time for me to get back to my schoolwork. However, I had gone too far to go back to my previous habits. So, I began doing my homework without thinking. Reading and understanding without the internal dialog, or holding onto a thought. Studying ideas and philosophies with a seemingly infinite, and at the same time, non-existent mind. All without letting any thoughts arise. Wisdom and intelligence were laid before me like a banquet. I was an honors student that term.

Fortunately, I was able to continue to live this Way for several months. And, while it has not been a virtue of mine to live this Way always, nevertheless, this experience changed my life forever. Not everyone, of course, will attain the Way with their first week of practice. But, hopefully this little story will help to show what the possibilities are.

More of Men

We are honored to be some friends to whom you feel that you can turn to when you need help. Your Dad is grieving. This happens to people when we lose something that we cherish deeply, whether it is a friend, lover, or a dream. You will never be able to know all the things that the little restaurant meant to your Dad; he, himself, probable doesn’t even know all of what it meant to him, or at least he is unable to put it into words.

The best thing you can do is give him the space to feel his grief. That is, don’t try to cheer him up if he feels low; don’t try to distract him into some other activity if you think he is feeling sad. People work best when they are able to feel their grief until they have had enough grieving and then they feel that they want to move onto something else. This is an inner process that takes time before it resolves itself. Give your dad the time he needs to heal, don’t push it.

But, be strong and stand by his side, understanding with compassion his loss, giving him an ear if he wants to talk about it, or understanding silence if he is does not. You can, at some point, also give him hope that one day he can make his dream come alive again if he wants it to. And, if you feel up to it, you can offer your help when and if he should ever want to try again. But, only offer to help if you would really intend to do so, he might take you up on it one day and you could be stuck one night with the choice of working in a restaurant instead of going to the school dance (ikes!). But, again don’t try to push this on him, it may be awhile, if ever, before he is ready to hear or to think about this kind of thing again. Use tact and discretion for his feelings.

Also don’t neglect yourself and your own grieving process. This has obviously hit you pretty hard too, and it is important for you to meditate with your feelings squarely with you. Watching them, feeling them, letting them arise and pass on when they are ready to. Feel the grief that you feel for your dad and for that great place that is now gone. Not wallowing in your feelings, but “shouldering your burden”: just letting the feelings and emotions work themselves through, watching them, watching yourself, letting yourself feel your pain and letting your pain subside of its own course. This may take minutes or hours, or days, or longer. It may happen repeatedly for some time, just let it happen. Believe me, it is great practice for when you will be in the adult world, which will be soon enough.

P.S. This is also a good meditation technique for working with anger.