More of Men

We are honored to be some friends to whom you feel that you can turn to when you need help. Your Dad is grieving. This happens to people when we lose something that we cherish deeply, whether it is a friend, lover, or a dream. You will never be able to know all the things that the little restaurant meant to your Dad; he, himself, probable doesn’t even know all of what it meant to him, or at least he is unable to put it into words.

The best thing you can do is give him the space to feel his grief. That is, don’t try to cheer him up if he feels low; don’t try to distract him into some other activity if you think he is feeling sad. People work best when they are able to feel their grief until they have had enough grieving and then they feel that they want to move onto something else. This is an inner process that takes time before it resolves itself. Give your dad the time he needs to heal, don’t push it.

But, be strong and stand by his side, understanding with compassion his loss, giving him an ear if he wants to talk about it, or understanding silence if he is does not. You can, at some point, also give him hope that one day he can make his dream come alive again if he wants it to. And, if you feel up to it, you can offer your help when and if he should ever want to try again. But, only offer to help if you would really intend to do so, he might take you up on it one day and you could be stuck one night with the choice of working in a restaurant instead of going to the school dance (ikes!). But, again don’t try to push this on him, it may be awhile, if ever, before he is ready to hear or to think about this kind of thing again. Use tact and discretion for his feelings.

Also don’t neglect yourself and your own grieving process. This has obviously hit you pretty hard too, and it is important for you to meditate with your feelings squarely with you. Watching them, feeling them, letting them arise and pass on when they are ready to. Feel the grief that you feel for your dad and for that great place that is now gone. Not wallowing in your feelings, but “shouldering your burden”: just letting the feelings and emotions work themselves through, watching them, watching yourself, letting yourself feel your pain and letting your pain subside of its own course. This may take minutes or hours, or days, or longer. It may happen repeatedly for some time, just let it happen. Believe me, it is great practice for when you will be in the adult world, which will be soon enough.

P.S. This is also a good meditation technique for working with anger.