The Family

Buddhism is a way to live your life.

We all choose to live our lives in one way or another (even if you don’t consciously choose a particular way, then you are just choosing to go along in whatever way you have been doing things).

As Buddhists we choose to live our lives with awareness, equanimity and compassion.

That is, consciousness of our actions, thoughts and emotions. This keeps us in touch with our lives so that we live directly and fully.

Equanimity means that although we are deeply aware of what is happening in our lives, we maintain a sort of objective stance, able to let things pass on.

Compassion means that we respect all beings as we would like to be respected. Understanding that we all have our imperfections and challenges. And, a willingness to help others when we are able to.

And when we live this way, our lives ring with truth, joy, peace and wonder.


The Buddha went out with his begging bowl
And the universe offered him life.
He gratefully accepted.

The Buddha went out with his begging bowl
And the universe offered him death.
He gratefully accepted.

To These

I would guess that you must think at least somewhat highly of these ideas or you would not have presented to us these opinions. Unfortunately I have to say that I am in disagreement with many of these opinions.

First of all the notion that emptiness is dependent upon relation-ality is not what I have found. Rather I have found that emptiness is in fact emptiness: no thing there, or here if you prefer. This is what I have experienced, first hand.

Secondly, the notion that enlightenment is merely focusing on one’s life here and now in the physical world is in my viewpoint short shrift indeed. There really is such a thing as being awake, truly awake. Where the state of one’s consciousness beforehand seemed as if it were asleep, the contrast is so great. And when one lives as an awakened one, then one experiences first hand ultimate truth while living within the beautiful mundanity of daily physical life.

These words are not merely semantic conventions. And, to my mind, the current fad of interpretting them, as I have seen so often in the manner that some do, is a good example of pop Buddhism at work.


These typify the kind of teachings that you can read in books by authors who have little depth of experience themselves, and are settling for the cookbook guide to Buddhism: Add karma, stir well, blend with compassion, and here and now.

I would like to encourage you to go beyond the simple answers and into your own deepest experience of the truth and discover for yourself emptiness and enlightenment. Then come back and explain to us what they mean to you.

Not Alone

Thank you for your many kind words.

I guess I am presuming a bit here, but I take it your interest in Buddhism is not for a mere scholarly purpose. Although you can gain some glimmer of its inner meaning through a systematic study of the voluminous literature. That attempt will not give you the overall and conclusive evidence that only a deep and penetrating direct experience of the Highest Truth will give you. My best advice would be to instead start to practice. Whichever methodology appeals to you is fine. You don’t need to be too picky at this point. And, just start to practice.

If you are able to accept all that the world has to offer without piety and without denouncing that which you do not agree with, then you will find in your own life a more rich and higher appreciation of life. I am not saying that you should not condemn evil acts or intentions. But, behind the facade of demonic activity lies a human being who is trying to make their way through life as best they know how.

When we forgive others for their short-sightedness and foolishness, then we will find our own strength renewed within the greater framework of existence. In this manner do we replenish our spirit, and go on to a truth greater than our small philosophies about life can hold.

I would like to add, however, that the more I practice, the more I’ve come to realize that it is not making it to the ‘other shore” that is important, but the journey that you’re on. And while I know that sounds like a Hallmark greeting card, I know that it is you, realizing the full width and depth of the life that you are realizing right now, which will have the most worthwhile meaning in the Highest Truth that you shall ever realize.

The “other shore,” as you call it, is just another Ferris wheel ride at the Carnival. And like all things in life, you get out of the experience what you bring to it. And so, if you would like to know its immeasurable depths, you must bring immeasurable openness. To know its immutable perfect wisdom, bring your courage to know. To know its Truth, you can only bring your true self.

Then, in the joy of realizing the Highest Truth, you realize that everything you thought you knew was a big laugh – and that there is so much, much more to All That Is.

There is no “other shore.” This life is but a dandelion fuzz, floating in the winds of time. We take it so realistically.

You’re almost “there.”

Duty in its Place

From my own personal experience, I can say that I know what you are up against; facing what looks to be a steep rollercoaster ride of intense feelings et al. And perhaps it will help you if I share a few things that I have learned along the way. (Then some Koan theory)

First off, that you have gotten to this level of awareness in your practice is a really good sign. Congratulations! Now comes the “fun” part: Working through this stuff. The crucial thing is to approach this stuff in the same way that we would ordinarily practice in Zen. That is, watch, be aware, of what is occurring with your self; letting the thoughts and feelings come and go of their own accord. Neither fixated on them to the exclusion of all else, and not ignoring them either.

I have found that it is very helpful to be aware or one’s breathing while this occurs; not so much concentrating on the breath, as just using it as a touchstone to a reality greater than the well of feelings one is cast into during these moments.

I can also affirm that sometimes the going can get rough, very rough. But, even during these times it is very important to continue the practice of objective observation, even if it seems like its just a single thread of objectivity that you are maintaining. It is when you lose that objectivity, that is when you lose your practice and then are just playing along with your own inner games.

While continuing to watch the stuff objectively lets it play itself out, you see it for what it is, the greater self grows as it realizes the shadows that it has been stringing along, and it is able to put them to rest into a new realization of the whole self.

Unfortunately, as you are now coming to realize, the shadows that the self has been stringing along can be very deep, treacherous and painful to realize. All the more important to deal with them in the light of adult sensibilities. (A lot of times this stuff is carried over from childhood: fears, unresolved dreams and intentions, family traumas and role playing, out of date ideals, all now grown useless but still clung to in ignorance.)

It is because this stuff goes so deep into the psyche that it can be so full of feeling and ferocity. Unfortunately, unless it is seen in an objective way, you just keep playing the same games over and over with it. Sometimes the names change, but the games stay the same.

And unfortunately, I have to tell you that its probably going to get worse as you go along, before it gets better. Actually it would be more accurate to say that, with me at least, I would go through some deep seated material, realizing it and letting it pass on (though the experience at the time was thoroughly gut wrenching). And then immediately afterward, experience great clarity cathartic release and then laughter at it all. And then, after some days/weeks had passed, depending on how intense I was practicing at the time, I would encounter more material (perhaps even more intensely than the previously occasion), followed again by clarity, release and laughter.

This went on over the course of a few years. And over this time, at some point I think, things got harrier than when I first started dealing with this stuff. But then at some time afterwards, things got better. That is, new material that was dredged up from my self’s realization got less and less intense, easier to let pass through and be laid to rest. Now this kind of experience rarely happens to me, there’s not much left there to be dealt with, I guess. J

To be honest, I would have never tried to get through the material I did over the course of one 40 min meditation session. I would usually spend a day long on something (sometimes not breaking for meals until very late). And sometimes it could go on for days or more, of just realizing how shitty you could be feeling. (Not just feeling bad, but feeling it objectively, breathing through it, etc).

And I don’t know if you are in a place in your life right now where you can take several days away from dire responsibilities to tackle something like this, because that’s probably what its going to take. (And you will probably need a place to practice where they won’t get worried if you seem to be acting rather emotional, ha ha.) If not now then I hope soon, because it is the path of clarity, realization and growth.

On one final note: Looking back upon the old system of the Koan, I found parallels to this same kind of work. That is, the ideal of the Koan was not just that you gave a clever answer to some preposterous question to prove that you knew something. Rather the idea was that you were suppose to find a Koan that was so meaningful to you that it did this same kind of gut wrenching activity to you.

A Koan that was so powerful that you saw it in everything in life and in realizing its answer, your world was cathartically transformed. You can read about this from some of the ancients, that this was how a Koan would be, for it to be the Koan for you.

To me, this is the same kind of work that they were talking about. Only for us, our Koan is our job, or our relationship, or our failed dreams, or whatever it is that brings the unanswerable into our lives, that causes us to look below the comforts into the depths of our being.

Good luck with whichever road you find your self on. And, since were making wish lists, I would like to add my own.

What is on my wish lists for Buddhism in the West is for lots of people to experience Enlightenment. And then, for these people to examine their experiences with a fresh perspective, and compare it with the traditional Buddhist perspective. And in this way bring a relevant interpretation to the ancient texts that reawakens them to new fullness.

To create a dialog in the West where we can begin to develop an appropriate language with which to communicate about this transcendent truth. And, begin to develop appropriate words and meanings about this ultimate Truth so we can move beyond just the approximately three words we have.

A Crack Appears at the Last Hour

What happened to you is incredibly saddening and painful, just to even read about. It is difficult to imagine the horror that you must have gone through. I know that after such an experience I would have been left with unbelievable amounts of anger and hatred. And not just toward my loser family, but towards the world in general.

I also know, having practiced meditation while in the realization of the dysfunctionality of my own family, that I would have felt tons of guilt (that there was something wrong with me that caused these events. Or that for some reason I was unworthy of being loved and wanted by my family), as well as just plain old deep emotional torment. To be honest with you, the manner in which you relate these disturbing events makes me think that perhaps its not coming from someone who has gotten over these terrors, but from someone who has learned to wear a mask of indifference over the face of unspeakable traumas.

Really, all this stuff about fearlessness. Well it just makes it sound like inside, you are quite terrified, and running like hell from fear. I certainly don’t fault you for that. I’m sure that if I were in your shoes, I would have much the same reaction, or worse.

Nevertheless, I wonder if you realize that Buddhism is not a path of escape from life and its difficulties, its pains, and sorrows. Although, I admit that this idea of escape could be read into it. Rather it is a way of living with all of those intense difficulties. That is, at least I can tell you that in the practice of Zen, you are only going to come face to face with all that pain, hatred, guilt, trauma, fear, and unbearable agony. And experience your feelings and memories to the full extent within you that they dwell.

Because, in the witnessing of this deep and profound burden, you then realize the greater you of you that transcends all this agony. And in that transcendence you will be able to lay down those terrors into the past of memories that once were but never are anymore. Without realizing the pain and torture that you have been blessed with, within the practice of meditation (watching it, letting it happen, letting it run its course as you witness it “objectively”) you will always be dragged back to it.

I realize just how very difficult this meditation is to do. It requires every bit of courage, forbearance, and strength of resolve that one can possibly muster. It will probably be the most difficult thing in your life, to do this meditation, that you can do. And it will also be the most rewarding mediation that you could ever do. And, I can also tell you that it will probably not be over very quickly either; it could take months or even years until these meditations are put to rest. Fun, huh?

Actually, it’s a lot like working out. Realizing this pain, as it comes to the surface in meditation, is like lifting weights. You start out with a little (and it feels like a lot), and then a little more, and more, then more, etc. And, although you go through the trauma while you are practicing meditation, and it doesn’t seem as if you are getting anywhere, slowly you get stronger and stronger, a little bit at a time, without even really knowing it. (Just like suddenly you look in the mirror one day and notice, hey those biceps are getting bigger.) You’ve got a big job ahead of you. But, I’m sure that this is why you are here.

I hope that I’m not making too much of a fool of myself here, because I realize that I might be telling you a bunch of stuff that you could already be fully aware of. You’re certainly old enough, and could have been practicing long enough, to have learned by now that the path of the meditation clears the heart as well as the mind.

You probably know that there are other paths that you could follow, maybe they will be easier, I don’t know. And, with whichever path you do take, you will ultimately only have yourself to answer to, for the choices that you make. There are not wrong choices, so choose whatever you choose, that is your path.

Encouraging people that there is the Highest ultimate truth to which they can awaken to. And at the same time, not encouraging them so much that they think that it is some kind of escape from this life.

Encouraging practice in this life, to realize that in this moment of life in physical reality there is as much enlightenment as in the ultimate ground. And at the same time encouraging people to go beyond the limitations that they encounter, toward their greater realization.

Many blessings to your bravery.

Solo

I’m over here in the Zen side of things, and we practice a little differently. Aware of what is occurring, might be an easy way of summarizing it. And I can relate that my experience is thus (perhaps this perspective will help you in appreciating the difference between the two schools. Which I personally do not see any conflict in):

I suspect that we humans are so accustomed to perceiving objective reality, that when we “see” the real thing, our immediate impression is “this is emptiness”. And really, there is no thing “there”. However, if you drop this emptiness idea, then you can begin to realize what the “real thing” is (as in Thusness). And this is where it really gets interesting, by the way.

It’s actually pretty cool. If you calm your mind enough, you will become aware that you are projecting your imagination out from you, painting with your imagination the scene that you then perceive with your senses. You become aware that it all comes into focus, a point of concentration, at a small spot a couple of feet in front of your face. Surrounding this point of focus, things get progressively, slightly, more blurry the farther away from that point they get. But, whenever you shift your gaze, you shift the location of that point, so that wherever you are looking directly, always seems to be fully articulated reality.

If you meditate more deeply, then you can become aware of your self “receiving” bits of “information”, as well as originating bits itself, which it then “processes” into the projections, to manifest the world that you then believe that you are perceiving. We all do this so habitually, though, that few really take the time to notice what is going on.

It seems to me, albeit an outsider to the Tibetan schools, that this is what the Prasangikas are trying to refer to: this ultimate that is realized even as it is “not” emptiness. (An ultimate that is not made of existents, etc, etc…).

An interesting side light to this distinction is that of intention: If ones intention were to describe this ultimate, theorize about it, speculate about it, then one might choose several words from the resource language at hand that might give the reader (or listener) some sort of idea about what this ultimate is like.

However, if ones intention were to Know this ultimate, then unfortunately, trying to know it, led on by the word makers description of it, one would never come to truly know it or even begin to realize It. Because to realize It, one must let go of all notions, whether well intentioned or not. And even then, let go of the letting go. It is that kind of Knowing.

So if I wanted to direct you to the realization of this ultimate, I would not begin by making some statement on what it is. And this makes sense to me as to the Prasangika direction in their practice. (However, this is not to say that the Cittamatra school does not have similar intentions. But, perhaps their “method” is to point to emptiness, and in that emptiness, realize the ultimate.) I hope I haven’t made this only more confusing.

The Meeting of Light and Darkness

Please excuse that I have been unable to participate in the discussion of this Koan until now. But, all things come to fruition in their own time.

First, to help us understand this Koan a little better, some history: There once was a famous Zen Master. He was successful at transmitting the dharma, motivating his students, and helping many to glimpse the Truth and more. He was no phony either. He really did have a genuine and lasting Awakening. And this helped to give his speech and manner a convincing and powerful force. However, in truth, he was a man who lacked education to a great degree. His was Zen by the “gut”, intuition not knowledge. After he died, he was of course revered and honored, for he had made a lasting and positive impression on many.

Nevertheless, when he looked back upon his life, after his death, he saw that this life alone had left him somewhat imbalanced. In a way, he was very dissatisfied that he had so little education. He would have liked to be an intelligent proponent of the dharma, able to use brains as well as raw instinct in his work. But, also he saw more deeply that while his teachings were strong and convincing, he lacked a great deal of intellectual knowledge about the very things he was inspiring others to. He was, he thought, quite a lopsided Master. Therefore, he decided to take on another life in order to rectify this imbalance.

In this new life, he chose to give himself a personality with a great deal of intelligence and a thirst for education. This would insure that he would acquire the missing knowledge of the other lifetime. And of course he would have a deep interest in the dharma, because that would be the whole point of it. Also, the deep abiding sense of the truth would be present in this new personality, but not as clearly as it had been in the other life (it would have made it too easy to fall into the same “faults”, of not needing an education, but just teaching from the “gut”). So, he would have to have a few deep experiences, but then be forced to study, study, study, every word he could get his hands on to help him learn about the inner truth he’d discovered.

Happily, the education part of his current life has been very successful. He has studied ancient civilizations and their philosophers, has soaked up modern thought and ideation like a sponge; absorbing and assimilating many and diverse important strains of wisdom, theories, and models. Needless to say his interest in the written tradition of Buddhism has led to many long hours in study of the sutras.

Now, unfortunately, the vision he had earlier in this life, his experience of Highest Truth, has become, as we say, gilded by time. It was very convincing, although again, not as overwhelmingly clear and sustained as his previous life’s experiences. And, learning, opinion, conclusion has crept in where the domain of ineffable Truth once ruled.

Secondly, and also unfortunately, the great intellect that he has achieved has given him a sense of superiority compared to those not as excelled. And, he wishes for an intellectual champion like himself with whom he can exercise his great knowledge against. Finding no such accomplished persons who would care to duel with him, he finds himself further isolated. And sadly, as the bitterness of old age has crept upon him, it has given this isolation an incompassionate, cursing face.

It is important, at this point, to realize that when a life is over, it is not judged by the Self to be a success, depending on whether or not that life had a happy ending. A lifetime may very well be a success that ends in “sadness” (as some paths will lead to dead ends), because it is part of the learning process that a personality undertakes in order to know why a path is a dead end. In other words, by learning a great deal through the medium of a “failure”, why another path in the long run is more beneficial. The school of hard knocks.

The situation that he finds himself in, however, is not desirable. Because, while it has accomplished its mission in the education process, it is failing to reach into the hearts and sanctity of those to whom he feels that he would like to benefit. Therefore, he is trying to find a way out of his mistaken convictions and the corner that his knowledge has painted himself into, without betraying the inner core of his knowledge’s validity.

In other words, he doesn’t want to think that all of the learning that he acquired was for naught, and it was in truth not invaluable. But, he needs to be able to peer beyond the confines of the limitations of his “knowledge” into the underlying preeminence of Truth (from which “knowledge” springs into reality). Undertaking this movement is not at all an easy task for any man, and yet for him it is all the more essential, so that his higher “spirit” is able to carry on the work that it is here to accomplish. And that is to enable others to a greater awareness of the Highest Truth and its transcendent power.

Or course, as long as he is isolated and ridiculed for his imbalances, the more strongly he clings to them, as they are the raft that he has built for himself, intentionally, in this lifetime. Assuaging this presumption of the raft’s eminence, would ease his troubles. But, it is more likely that in desperation, he will eventually come to realize the emptiness of the structure that he has built his fortifications upon. And, in that great and terrible loss of faith, he will then be able to reevaluate the conflicts, assumptions, and motives for his work. Only after a long time of suffering thus, will he be open to seeing that his “learning” has value in its own right. But, that the greatest of the work is lost in the transcendence of the Highest Truth, as it abounds with all that can never be wrought into the dimension of the human entanglements that we call life.

A Change in Terrain

Dear Prospective Zen Student:

How to practice:

1. Get yourself a comfortable cushion, and some sort of mat to rest it on, if you can manage it.

2. Sit down, get comfortable (but, not so comfortable that you get sleepy), and take notice of what is occurring.

3. Remain there until you have awakened (you will realize this when it happens).

4. Breaks for bathroom, eating, sleeping are only done if absolutely necessary. (Practice is not suspended while on breaks.)

5. If you do not realize True Nature within the first few hours, continue for three days (sometimes up to six days may be required). If you have not awakened by then, you may take a brief break, if necessary, to carry out livelihood responsibilities.

6. Take employment, if necessary, to fund your practice. Find one with minimal hours, responsibilities, and distractions. Continue practice while you work.

7. If necessary, you may visit teachers, books, Zen sites, etc. Such visits are a part of practice, continue as if on cushion.

8. Don’t worry, just pay attention. Continue to practice at all times.

9. Continue practice until awakened.

10. After realization of True Nature, continue as Buddha (awakened one). Repeat realization if necessary.

11. Sum up your experience in words (graphics or music are also acceptable), preferably in your own words.

12. Convey this wisdom, help others, in the manner that seems most appropriate.

13. Repetition is optional.

The Transformation

Within the emptiness of Dharmadhaatu’s womb,
All things lose what they seek.

Without the uselessness of their perfections,
They find their cherished ideals no more aflame.

That is the way that effortless relative knowing is awakened
With the True source of that which brings involitude.


OK. So, no one said it’s going to be easy. Does that mean we should just throw in the towel? If there are no Buddhas then you have nothing to gain by helping another. How can it then be a diversion?

Into the abyss of Samsara are thrust the Buddhas.
Finding innumerable passions, we extinguish them.
Bringing the fruits of our labors, we renounce them.
Perceiving any views, we abandon them.
Holding onto any foundations, we relinquish them.
This is how the Buddhas help another in their passage within the realm of those who are still trying to be free.


That which is the pinnacle has nowhere to go.
Unable to go anywhere it has limitations.
Because it has limitations
The Way cannot be within it.

What is not provisional is fixed.
That which is fixed is unchanging,
Therefore it has nowhere to go.

To Prey on the Dead

Unfortunately, it is emblematic of a fashion currently raging in our contemporary world that stubbornly believes anything not yet approved by the scientific community cannot be real. And, any evidence to the contrary (and it is voluminous) is flatly denied.

“Debunked” is science’s official term for the practice of trying to negate information with the disinformation of the spin-doctor’s screed. Unfortunately, trying to describe a round planet to someone who is convinced that the world is flat is, I suspect, useless.

Fortunately, most Buddhists believe that there is a higher Truth; that unfortunately our current scientific community does not have the tools to measure. However, each of us does have the tool with which we can realize this Highest Truth, it is with awareness.

Ananda Sutta
“Then the wanderer Vacchagotta went to the Blessed One and, on arrival, exchanged courteous greetings with him. After an exchange of friendly greetings & courtesies, he sat down to one side. As he was sitting there he asked the Blessed One: "Now then, Venerable Gotama, is there a self?"
When this was said, the Blessed One was silent.
"Then is there no self?"
A second time, the Blessed One was silent.
Then Vacchagotta the wanderer got up from his seat and left.
Then, not long after Vacchagotta the wanderer had left, Ven. Ananda said to the Blessed One, "Why, lord, did the Blessed One not answer when asked a question by Vacchagotta the wanderer?"
"Ananda, if I -- being asked by Vacchagotta the wanderer if there is a self -- were to answer that there is a self, that would be conforming with those priests & contemplatives who are exponents of eternalism [the view that there is an eternal, unchanging soul]. If I -- being asked by Vacchagotta the wanderer if there is no self -- were to answer that there is no self, that would be conforming with those priests & contemplatives who are exponents of annihilationism [the view that death is the annihilation of consciousness]. If I -- being asked by Vacchagotta the wanderer if there is a self -- were to answer that there is a self, would that be in keeping with the arising of knowledge that all phenomena are not-self?"
"No, lord."
"And if I -- being asked by Vacchagotta the wanderer if there is no self -- were to answer that there is no self, the bewildered Vacchagotta would become even more bewildered: 'Does the self I used to have now not exist?'"
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/canon/samyutta/sn44-010.html


When we refer to the Ultimate Ground of Being as “Mind”, we are just using the best term that us poor humans have that can relate in some recognizable way to this incredible magnificence that we realize. It is not the same as the mind bourn of mental activity that some refer to. If one could drop one’s preconceptions about emptiness, one might be able to begin to see it for what it is.

Nevertheless, I personally, have found it best, over the years, to learn to respect the feedback that my ego is giving me. Realizing that it is my life “where the rubber meets the road”, as it were. I’m not afraid to learn what my “ego” might have to show me about myself. Besides, being open means that you’re just willing to listen, if you don’t like the answers, its ok to say so, say why you don’t like the answers, and ask for other solutions if there are any. Etc.

Anyway, I don’t think life is about having all of the answers and being some kind of perfect person. It’s about learning what you can from the questions that is so meaningful.

One Man

I would like to share a story of hope, if I may.

I have worked in retail for many years in order to make ends meet while I am involved in my practice. There is one customer who stands out, so clearly, in my mind, even though it’s been several years since I saw him last. He was a youngish man, perhaps in his early thirties. One of the things that stood out about him the most was his attitude. He was truly one of the happiest people I have ever met. It was like he had some kind of inner glow that radiated out from him in joy and well-being.

At the time, he was ordering some fancy bathtub fixtures for this custom spa he was having built. Apparently, his career as an attorney was going well. He ordered the highest quality with some special features, was very cheery about buying it, never concerned about the expense. Although he was careful about the details of what he was getting, he wasn’t super-picky worrying about every little thing. And the thing was, he always had this smile of joy on his face.

I still remember the day he was buying some small purchase, paying for it in cash. He got out his coin purse and dumped all the change inside of it out onto the counter. I went to reach for the proper coins to fill the amount of change for the sale and he shooed me away with one of his steel claws. Then carefully, accurately, he pushed the correct change across the counter toward me, with his claw. Afterward, while holding the change purse in his other claw, he slid the rest of his change back into his coin purse. Neat as a pin. Took his package in one of his claws and hobbled out. Happy as ever.

I guess he ordered the faucets with the special large paddles instead of regular handles because they would be easier to operate while he was in the spa and not wearing the hardware that replaced the missing area of his arms. He had mentioned, one time, that the spa had been carefully designed with the faucets in one place and the seating done in a certain manner. The special design would, no doubt, make it easier for him to maneuver in the spa when he wasn’t wearing the hardware that replaced the missing area of his legs either.

While I realize that no story can lessen the tragedy that another is going through, perhaps his story will give a little ray of hope to some.

With great respect for the courage of others. Fortunately, the Buddha made it pretty clear in regards to the fundamental nature of our reality: We will never be completely satisfied with our situation. But we hold onto the idea that we can find some ideal. When we release ourselves from forcing our self to find this ideal, only then can we know peace.

The practices of Buddhism makes it possible to encounter the greater truth that underlies reality, and in this way enables us to be released from the confining ideas that we falsely believe to be our reality and hoped for salvation. Then, in this greater light of knowing, we see our lives from the perspective of the true situation; that fundamentally we are much greater than our small imperfect views of ourselves and our immediate life situation.

The Other Side of Chuwen

I’ve been sitting on this little nugget for a few days now. I didn’t want to heap more on you while you were in buzz-saw mode. But, now perhaps you might be able to get something out of this:

You’re still blaming yourself for not attaining Enlightenment it seems. And no doubt, angry as hell – at yourself (more than others, I would guess) – that you still haven’t done it. Especially after all these years and years. (And with you, probably knowing all that there is to know, too.)

Forgiving yourself for being a failure is not an easy thing, I know.

Forgiveness can never begin until we are willing to forgive ourselves. I’m not going to tell you that there is a Magic Mantra out there that can solve your problem.

To be honest with you, if you want to know the Highest Truth, you’ve got to be willing to give up being right. And I don’t think you’re ready to do that yet. You get a lot out of being right, and seeing yourself in the right.

We come here to learn certain lessons. I know that it is difficult. Sometimes it seems unbearably so. This is why these lessons are so important for each of us to learn. How much can you really lose by facing your dilemmas? How much more can you learn by going with it, learning from it, instead of trying to escape it?

Stop feeling guilty and resentful about not being happy, or wealthy, or handsome. Go with what you have and what you are. See what you can do with it. If you’re sad and depressed, go with those, enjoy them. I bet Seattle is a wonderful city to be depressed in; the cloudy skies, its named after the leader of a repressed people.

In meditation, we are aware of our feelings, not passing judgment on them, witnessing them as they flow through our life. In the belly of this experience is where the gestalt takes place, where the alchemy of awareness turns your experience into illumination. The deeper the crucible, the hotter the fire, the stronger the temper, the greater the light of the soul. You cannot realize this through escape, only through presence.

You know you can do it.

Touchdown

No, Buddha realization is not the highest possible achievement for a human being.

Realization of the Highest Truth is just the path we undertake to know the Way of this world and self, reality. To be able to take that realization and help another, truly help them, is the highest achievement that you will ever be able to accomplish in this world. It can also be the most difficult and the most gratifying thing that you will ever do.

With many blessings.

Muluk Alimentary

Your question is an excellent one. It reflects what I would call one of the core misunderstandings about Buddhism. (Please, this is not supposed to be a personal attack upon you in any way, but an examination of a deeper underlying assumption that many have about Buddhism.) It is very well expressed in this little story I happened to read about a Zen Center: The nuns there are told to always smile, especially when they go outside the center. Because Buddhism is supposed to make them happy, they must always be smiling. (No, I didn’t make this up.)

It is easy to see how such a philosophy can develop: Buddhism does say that if you want to be free from suffering, then you must give up clinging. And the implication is that if you are a good Buddhist then you will give up clinging, end suffering and be happy. (The fallacy being the equating of the ending suffering with happiness. Buddhism does say that you can end suffering, but it does not say that you will attain happiness.) This implication, however, is given further weight by the appearance of the Buddha, who is always depicted with that serene, peaceful look of joy on his face.

I myself suffered with this assumption for some time. One of my earliest experiences with the Way, showed me the great calm of emptiness and no-self, showed me the true transcendent nature of the mind, and I lived in the joy of the present, realized with truth in the moments of my physical life. (Please note that the Buddha does not prescribe us to practice a goal that one is to attain, He describes a (eightfold) path to living that one is to undertake. Not an endpoint, in other words, but a process.) Only after moving onto other challenges and further adventures did I realize what I had lost. And I longed, deeply, to recreate the way that I thought I had lost that was so preciously beautiful to me.

Ultimately, I went through many personal travails, questioning every part of my life and self, taking apart every bit of each moment and awareness, meditating for long hours and even days with feelings of anger and hatred and pain (as well as on unfathomable bliss). Turning the guts and mind of myself and my life experience inside out, where they could be seen in the light of present moment realization (not locked away in the cabinet of the inner soul, afraid to be touched). And while I did this over and over, relentlessly, never shying away from any experience I was having, watching it, realizing it, as it was occurring within the presence of my life, slowly my life unwound all its mysteries, its sources of anguish and fear, its unconquerable beauty and innate wisdom and compassion. Myself revealed itself to me, bit by bit. And through this process, the inner traumas worked themselves out, taking up new positions in my psyche, as being more like distant remembrances.

This was not the Zen of sudden awakening, but Zen in slow-mo. Going step by step through each bit of anger or hatred that I happened to be feeling at the time, as it was excruciatingly tearing each fiber of my (then) present experience, it was very painfully difficult. But, the higher self is greater than these momentary experiences. And so, as I watched these painful moments in my life, my highest self, slowly, was reaffirmed. And as these painful moments wore themselves out (unfueled, because I was watching them as one does in meditation: neither agreeing with them or disagreeing with them, but seeing them come and go, even if excruciatingly slowly) it was my higher sense of self that remained, in clarity, to laugh at the whole affair and feel whole in the end (though to be technically accurate there is no end). These were not “happy” times, (though my meditations always brought me to realize joy, eventually) but deep fertile times of great inner growth, realization, and awakening.

Through this process, a whole new person began to emerge. It was transcendent, and yet, not untouched by life. A greater being than my little physical life and my ego concerns. But, like a whole self, penetrating my life and at the same time not attached to it. These things are not easy to put into words. I came to recognize a real me, a true me, emerging from the mists of confusion and despair. A me that seemed more real (and more realistic) than I would have been if I were trying to be a buddha and achieve highest enlightenment. Eventually, I had to choose between being what I was, or to try to go back to that beautiful experience I had known before, when I had my first experiences (which I described at the beginning of this post). It was very tempting, because I had known such joy and peace and harmony back then. But, I also realized that I would not be me if I tried to recreate that past awakening. And that really, instead, I would prefer to be myself.

Now, in hindsight, I can see that I was trying to cling to my previous experience of Truth, instead of growing into the fullness of my true being. A whole true self that only emerged after going through all of the painful process of knowing my life, in realization, and going throughout the messy gory details. Much, much stronger and balanced and resilient, I know the beauty and wealth of my being and my life do not rely on happiness or some anticipated spiritual revelatory roller coaster ride. But on the presence of my self, and the greater truth that rings so clearly throughout.

Sure its messy and unpleasant, this growing up process that we go through. And some may prefer to go through their meditation process in a quiet dim retreat like me, while others may prefer to go through their self-realization meditations in the glare of the public eye, where unrelenting truth will smack them on the fanny in front of everyone, or the whole process will deteriorate into the realization of utter foolishness, exhausted of itself. The Buddha’s message still applies: Live your life, don’t try to escape it, but realize it with the highest transcendent truth, however your practice enables that for you, as your wellspring and your guide.


I hope that this helps you to understand, at least a little bit, that it is not just fighting, but truth becoming human becoming truth. Self, revealing itself as human, realizing itself as…

For the Serpent

“The reason, IMO, that translators still translate Sammâ as "right" is that they still believe the Eightfold path is not transcendent; that it is a path of morality like the Ten Commandments.”


Sadly, you could not be more right. Right view does mean Seeing the Truth, directly as you experience reality. Dependent origination is very important to realize and understand. But, “right view” is not merely a philosophical framework, like having the right viewpoint about life. It is an actual seeing of truth either directly in the experience of Highest Truth, or in the case of the eightfold path, seeing the transcendent truth while living in the context of your physical life.

If people were able to see beyond the fallacy that it is quite erroneously to give a morality interpretation to everything the Buddha said, and exemplifies very little understanding of the transcendent truth. I suspect that unfortunately many beginning Buddhist’s introduction into Buddhism is like the blind leading the blind.

On the other hand, obviously, “feel good Buddhism” is what people want. And certainly it is a lot easier to just adopt a new philosophy about life, agree to follow a few simple rules, and that’s all there is to it, Enlightenment. Nothing messy like having to deal with an ultimately unknowable transcendent reality. Just reduce everything to philosophical relativisms.

But, were they to experience the Ultimate Reality directly, the Truth would illuminate the void of their lives with meaning, freedom, transcendent beauty and limitless knowledge.

Ik

This is very interesting. I am certainly no scholar of history, but I seem to remember that the Buddha, prior to his enlightenment, was pursuing a yogic path. This was a path of purifying oneself, through various asceticisms, because it was believed that through purity one reaches the highest truth. (I may be oversimplifying things here for the sake of brevity, but you get the idea.) He then rejected this path, and after attaining enlightenment, preached against all extremes in favor of the middle way.

Although I agree that your intention (to do no violence) is very noble, I don’t quite see how it squares with this doctrine of the middle way. Perhaps I am misunderstanding your intention, but it would seem that being committed to only doing non-violence, while laudable, is another extreme and a form of asterism that the Buddha rejected. (Just as being committed to violence would be another extreme practice.)

How far do you plan to take this? Speaking of violence within: I hope that you don’t plan to stop your immune system from “murdering” all of those micro-organisms that you come into contact with, ingest, and breath in everyday?