Five Angers

My response to that kind of name-calling is: “But, I’m a really nice snob.”

Actually, your professor’s statements say a lot more about their own insecurities with themselves and their beliefs, than they do as a repudiation of you. People who “attack” another, especially in the provocative choice of words that were used, are usually trying to cut the other person down to size. They want to bring the other person down to their level (the level that they see themselves being at, in their own eyes, but could never admit openly to themselves).

That this person is someone who is an authority figure, presumably, who you are suppose to look up to for guidance, is even more disillusioning. (Using their authoritative position to harm another person’s self esteem, rather than inspire them to excel on their path.) Trying to cop to the guise that they are attempting to get you to question your path, doesn’t really hold water here. This is more about her weaknesses than it is about yours.

A person such as this, shouldn’t be debated. It would not be a fair contest given the social context that it would take place in (and they probably knows this, which is why they choose this kind of venue to do this sort of thing). Rather, this person needs your utmost compassion. They are someone who probably has little love for themselves. And, I would venture to guess, that they feel they are all the more a fraud because they must stand in front of people and lecture them when they don’t really believe in it themselves.

Try to show them love, understanding, patience and acceptance. You can’t “win” by making them see things your way. You can only win by helping them become a better person. And, in this case that means giving them the space and courage to face their disillusionments themselves, and outgrow them.

This doesn’t mean that you need to lead them in a group therapy session. But that you try to hear the hurt human inside, under the pomp and circumstance, and listen to them, and to that hurt And, just be with them and with that, in their pain, so that they can realize their own strength within. Let this take place in its own time and in their own way.

You may never get that far with them. But perhaps if you listen, even just a little, it will give them some hope inside that someone cares. And, maybe one day when they are ready they will find that person who will listen to everything. Or else, there will be a surprising knock on your door when they come to you.

(They probably wants to keep the “debate” on an objective philosophical footing. It’s much easier for insecure people to deal with objective facts and ideas than with personal material, feelings, etc. But, that’s ok too, because that’s probably just where they are at right now, and needs the space to sort it all out in. Good luck.)