Which Way to Turn

I think that I understand the dilemma that you are in. It sounds like you want to accept yourself, while at the same time your not sure that you like the self that you see. I can offer these two paths for you to consider.

I think that first you need to ask yourself if you feel that being a big person is how you just feel right. That is, some people feel naturally like themselves carrying more weight than the Vogue fashion magazines depict. Such people would not feel normal if they were skinny.

In my own case, I paint, I make art. I can imagine a world where I don’t make art, where I have a full time high paying career, or where I live the life of a monastic who is dedicated to serving others. But when I imagine myself stopping painting to devote myself entirely to either of these two pursuits, I just can’t see doing it. Making art is very important to me for some reason that I don’t really understand. It’s just part of the way I am, and I respect this.

There are things about us that we can imagine that our lives might be better if things were a different way, but they are really just part of how we are. I have learned this over the years that this is how art is for me. If this is how “being a bit chubby” is for you, than I say embrace yourself, this is just how you are. And don’t worry about acceptance; I have known plenty of big people who have devoted partners who really are very attracted to big people.

If on the other hand that you don’t naturally see yourself as a big person, then you have the other consideration that I have to give to you. Maybe the self that you need to accept is a self that is a little more difficult for you to accept. Maybe you need to accept that you have the type of body that needs to be exercised regularly in order to burn off the calories that it takes in during the course of a normal day.

I read in a great book on fitness by Dr. Bob Arnot that the body must consume more calories each day than it needs in order to get a sufficient amount of the nutrients that it needs. In other words dieting is not a long-term solution to weight loss because your body needs the food that you are trying to deny yourself. Therefore, the only realistic option is to do enough physical activity to burn off those calories. Sometimes we just need to accept that this is how things are: that we have to do some exercise in order to maintain our health.

If this is the case with your body, as it is for me with mine, then I suggest that you find some kind of exercise practice that you enjoy doing. It is surprising that many people don’t know how wonderful exercise can make them feel. Perhaps their only experience with exercise was with some boring high school phys ed. class, so they have no experience with how much fun, exhilarating, refreshing and clearing that a pleasant workout can be.

If you don’t already have an exercise practice that you really enjoy doing, then I have this warning. Before you start doing an exercise program bear this in mind: first find an activity that interests you and that you could see yourself enjoy doing; two, start out slowly (at first only 5 minutes might be all that you can comfortably do – and that’s ok – you’ll do more and more as time goes along); three, find an activity to do that is an aerobic activity (that means it gets your heart and breath rate going), so some things that are slower activities might not be a good choice.

Be wary of borderline activities that are fun but don’t burn calories unless you really push at them (like cycling, swimming, walking). Lot’s of the women that I know either take fitness classes, dance classes (belly dancing), martial arts, rowing, jogging, or enjoying music while on the treadmill at the local gym.

If you’re too embarrassed to go to a fitness class, take the chance anyway, because I think that you will find a lot of support there for what you are doing. Remember you are not trying to be an athlete. You are going out to enjoy yourself, just as you did when you were a child running around the house.

Take that same spirit of freedom and joy and enjoy your body’s life.