Forecast

Although I was able to live 24/7 for several months – some of the most beautifully memorable months of my life, so far -- I have been unable (or reluctant is probably more the right word) to again return permanently to that way of life.

The reason is a bit complex: I feel that if I were I to live that way 24/7 again, my life would feel so complete, in a sense, that I would have little interest in going on any further with this life. But, since I still have unfinished business to take care of in this lifetime, I choose to stay here to complete my work (and I believe that it is important to do). And as yet, I don’t have a way through this conundrum. But, who knows what life has in store for me next?

So you see, I have had both sides of the coin: the easy side and the inattainable side.

Therefore, I have had a choice to make: live the Way 24/7 and then, that’s when I get that feeling of: “So what (I’ve done this), and I don’t really care to go on with this “game” very much anymore”; Or, I can continue playing the game that I’ve got going here, keeping myself amused with my just-so interests (and not thinking about, or remembering, that I would just as well like to be going on with whatever it is that follows after one realizes the Way. Ha ha.)

And it seems that I am doing this out of trust. Trust in something greater that keeps me going here, and a trust because of what I’ve learned in past experiences. Because in the past, I have found that when things aren’t going the way I think they should be (as in, I should live the way 24/7), and even though they might be bleak, difficult and not what I want at all, it turns out, frequently, that those were the situations that, in fact, were appropriate to have been in. And this is also where I learned some of the best and most important stuff that I could learn. This is where the rubble turns into gold, as it were.

I’ve come to the, at least, temporary conclusion that it was never intended that I come here and live the life of what we think of as a Buddha. But instead, I came here (among other reasons) with the goal of helping other people with their challenges in living the way. And, to not do this from the perspective of someone who has all of the answers, or by being some kind of teacher. But just as someone who can testify, from their own personal experience, that yes there really is a Way, yes you can live it, yes there really is a doorway through which you can go. And at least that little bit might be enough to help someone to go on.